walking these streets
Can’t even get near to describe how beautiful this place is. But what’s more striking is the handsomeness of guys. I am in distress , it may be the perfume of one’s skin, it might be their shape, their eyes , whatever. I am at a loss trying to cope with my desire. And at the same time I have to deal with memories of you, Jamie. And the sad, grieving , sore, wound in my heart that keeps on bleeding whenever I think of you. You really took it all away from me. All that I wanted to be, all things I believed in. Fuck I can’t even get into a Maplin Shop anymore without thinking of you, of the geeky things we used to say or do. And another thought is present, often enough : I am getting old. I have seen these kids , hand in hand, looking at each other with loving glances. This I recognize, I will never be able to get. The time is gone, the train has passed, I am well past my expiry date. Funnily enough the only warm social interaction I had today was this thirtyfivish/fortyish woman who passed by, at the restaurant, “Love,” she said, “you’ve left all your cake!” then she smiled and pressed her cheek on mine, sketching a kiss and said “You’re as sweet as a dessert”.
Fuck off Jamie, I hope you suffer as much as I do.


